Pardon Me While I Burst

I know it could be called a sin in this blog. well, not a sin… one thing that should be prohibited since I told you I (guess( I’m moved on.  I am. but I miss you, Sir M. I miss our old times. our ugly pictures. we were much more uglier back then, but we seemed laughing together. we made ugly faces and we kept it. we went through all the hard times just to meet each other. waste all the money for buses and foods. and movies. dating on the phone every night just to kill the loneliness. to fill the emptiness and just to hear each other’s voice. craving for phone credits just to ask about how we were. my hair was longer and messier, I was fat from the very first time, and I only wore t-shirts and jeans. and bad shoes. I couldn’t date until late night. you had less hair than you have now, you always wore black t-shirts just because it’s your favorite and the best you could wore just to meet me. you gotta ride all the buses and the burning sun just to meet me. you gave me your best smile when you see me and said nothing but stood up and tried to find my hand to hold and walk. we didn’t have creative dates. we did the movie-food-photo booth stereotype every week. we cried because we missed each other. we wished we were at the same school and could eat our lunch together every single break. we wish we were neighbors so we could ride the bike each evening to find some snacks. we wish we could see each other every day. hold the hands every day. talk every day. smile at each other everyday. say good morning directly every day, we wished back then.

now, all the wish has been granted. god gave us the time, the space. but the love has flown away, nothing to do with the time and space. no hands to hold and no hearts to be told.

and now you’re in love with her, I can be tough. just don’t show up, don’t show up with her. don’t tell her the three words in front of me. just don’t drive me crazy, anymore.

 

I miss you, so damn much, Sir M. The old you, the one I used to cherish.

Kissing Wind

It could be the wind bringing the breeze

or the sun warming me with ease

like a javelin, we’ve been thrown

to separate ways, one high and one low

like rockets I thought we were

fast so can not be seen, perhaps like meteors

separated

without hatred

nor curse, there would only be sorrow

regretting the cane memories like a moron

pick the pick of my guitar

play some note in the winter

cherish the sky, the minutes passing by

the light will come, nothing to overcome

now why should we meet?

out of the middle of the city of heat

I’ll put more post-its on your face

so looking at you wouldn’t be my fate

call me a runner, I’m running away

I’m running so you’re gonna be away

but do you remember?

it’s a little box of amber

we’re trapped in

it’s not over yet, pend the fin

there’d always been one happy ending

Phenomenon

Lately, some of my friends spilled the same thing about their love life. people change. a regression change, which turns sweet people to the sour ones. why should be it? why should people change and make the one who loves them cry? why should people change so lovey hearts should be torn apart? why should people change and let their chemistry gone dry? why should people change so they gotta kill the fire in their heart? why in the world should sweet people change?

don’t they realize that they could have had the people who loves them just the way they are?
and that kind of love, is the one nothing could ever beat down.

The Man In Your Boots

Let me stare at you now. still, you’re with no flaw

maybe your hair has grown, there is your face with no frown

those teeth when you laugh loudly, the new people around you lately

finding that they’re my fairies too, it’s funny to see it, boo

but no, should’ve been misunderstood

it’s like a different person, wearing your boots

the camera captured the feet, I thought it’s you dancing with the beat

but no, when I gaze at your face

this one’s just having a different craze

you did dance waltz, and now it’s jumping tango

it’s not the person I told how I desire the fruit mango

the orange one, which has the extremely sweet taste

as sweet as your kiss that I would never waste

yesterday told me, it’s going to stay behind

I’m calling it back, but no sound could I find

faded out, yes, you fainted out

into that darkest cloud

you’re not coming back, boy, I know

but stay in my dreams, upon my pillow

for more, it’s not the man in the old boots

it’s you, it’s you from the very early roots

Happy As I Can Be, As It Should Be

Wow, Ramadhan it is!

I’m done with my sahur, and now some time killings with you :p

sometimes, Life is so sweet. it can bring you the deepest today, but the highest tomorrow. yesterday I may have cried a river, but today I can laugh until I cry. getting into the same place with Sir M hurts me bad, but the sweet God sent me some potions now. call me the luckiest girl on earth!

yesterday, was one of the best days of my life. because I felt a very huge happiness, because a person I’d never thought of being with him, I mean–being means having a walk, lunch or else. and I did, I went out with the person I always adore. although we didn’t talk so much, and gotta admit that it was a bit clumsy, it’s enough to make me smile. this is the feeling that you call ‘crush’. but for me, it could be ‘crush plus plus’, haha. why? well, though it’s still a crush, he is the crush I know I could spend my life together with, not the high-school kind of crush :p

I’m brave enough to say, I deserve this happiness. much more of these.

Like I Told You

Greetings.

I’m on my new chapter of life already. I moved to Bandung and working on my own independent life now. on the first 7 days my mom stayed with me, and now she’s already in Jakarta. I’m not alone, I have lotsa friends here already, but I miss my home. I miss Pa, Ma and my siblings. and not to mention, my kitty kitty cats.

I know I promised not to write something too lovey-dovey around here anymore. but I just feel like needing to update my love life. it still is about when a love sneaks into your mind and soul, remember?

this new life of mine, is Sir M’s too. meeting him everyday could crive me crazy, but I gotta handle it. it hurts again. I forgot about him, totally over him and all… but like I told you, love someone perfectly means feeling pain everlastingly. we could forget the pain, like bury it in the ground, but once we look back–dig out the memories–it comes back. it strikes again. it pulled the tears, though I can handle this one.

what’s hurting is, to see somebody you know–but he’s not that somebody you once knew anymore. especially if it’s a regression. Sir M’s there, he looks the same.. but he’s just not there. they’re different individuals, I don’t know who he is… that’s what hurts.

we rarely greet each other nor smile. it’s not that I hate him so bad. like I told you, again, it hurts. it hurts so it’s hard just to look at him in the eye. if anybody says ‘how could you be too sensitive? just chill, you know?’ well, I know, I know! i chill, but I can’t act normally like nothing’s happened. like I just know him, like he’s never been somebody I love back then. it feels as if someone steals something from you. everybody, everyone would feel the same. hurts. your precious thing, stolen, and the burglar comes out as a person you have to deal with everyday… you can’t be so nice to him. you want to curse him, ask him to bring back your belonging, but you can’t because that thing has just gone, vanished. nothing you could do but face it…

I know as the time goes by, I’d be healed again and me and Sir M could laugh together. since we share the same buddies now. I’m just curious, what will happen next to my life?

P.S. Sir M got his pretty girl already. me? I’m just sitting here waiting for my fiance to save me, no need to worry!

Mixed Up Words About A Part Of Our World

I'm graduated from high school. I'm gonna miss those moments.

These are all about us all, folks. The ones to be the partners even the topics every time we talk.

People we wait for and who wait for us, so we’ll have the reason to be in the class.

Not the sentences yet the numbers, even the dreams to be some doctors—we just love to be together, we just need to share the laughters.

From the mad elevator queuing to the sixth floor’s bell ringing, since the New Morning feast to the Night in The Middle East—nothing’s gonna make us miss these, except the friendships that we always cherish.

Whatever happened on the half ways, though we know we went separate ways—beneath the bottom of our heart, we knew that we are still pieces of one part.

Now no need to be mad, and don’t cry watersheds. Yes, time has passed us by, but it’s the time for us to fly.

Just let’s do some jives, we’re gonna face real lives! People said real life is harder, but why can’t just we make it better?

Just keep the memories to remember, and meet again in another chamber. We’ll see each other with our spouse, and the proud children to get our applause.

We’ll talk back about the teachers, whom we were mad at and we curse. But at that time we’ll know, we are the flowers that they grow. We’d want to see them again, shower them gratitudes like a rain.

We’ll memorize the school sceneries, where we usually eat and throw stories. Like the corridors and the canteen, against the walls which were painted green. We’d want to be there again, then stroll down the memory lane.

Ah, what a fun to take a look! Just like the pages on the yearbook—the smiles are all over the pages, which we’d never forget for ages. Maybe that’s why people tell that high school years are the best time we’d had, because the togetherness—it’d be really really hard to forget.

Mates, I know this one is gonna sound so damn lame, but I love you—like a geek loves a difficult game.
We are thirty-one, to be sure—though we count thirty-much-more, we’ll just be number ones in the future.

Cheerio and cheers, everlasting peers.

Maygo, May 22nd 2009

**this rhyme was going to be published in my high school yearbook, but turned out that may be it’s canceled or the pages ran out :) a bit sad because I want all my friends to read it, to remember and to remind them about our short 3 years in a page of rhymes… but well, well that’s okay. I posted it in Facebook at last and the closest ones read them, liked it, happy enough. damn guys, I miss you. :’)

A Trip Abroad To A Whole New Chapter

Wowowow been a long time!

I’m having a good mood today. it doesn’t mean I’ll be writing something good or else, but anyway I’m writing it with a happy, energetic heart.

This is the end of my holiday. the day after tomorrow, I’ll be off to the Flower City, known as Bandung, moving out. entering a new college life, a whole new minutes of my life. I’m feeling excited yet lazy. why?

excited of course, I’m getting out of this town! being all independent, without mompop yelling and calling me every sunset. taking care the things myself, getting all new more variative friends, and especially, learning new things!!

lazy of course, I have to pack my things (I’m always not good with packing. at least with starting it.) to move out, leaving my bedroom, getting through Ramadhan months without parents and siblings, leaving my cats, leaving, leaving, leaving, I’m always lazy to leave the things I love, really!!!

and about the holiday which has passed, I did things. not so productive things, actually. I experienced things. I told a friend about my holiday goals… well, they’re just babblings. because I opened my eyes, knowing that today is my last holiday, without any goals reached. eh no, maybe some. I traveled, to my hometown Palembang, finally! met my long time no see Grandma and Grandpa, rode getek on the Musi river, trying more foods, taking zillionth pictures, and all. then followed by my first foreign trip to Singapore. yes, I haven’t gone abroad before, except for Umra to Makkah, Madinah and Jeddah.

I had fun on the sunny island, though people may say it’s ordinary. hey, I’m a first timer, so it’s okay, okay? :D

Day 1 —- arrived at noon with Mama and Kak Chacha. went to Kaady’s HDB, leave the suitcases there. by MRT we rolled to City Hall to meet Kaady from his work. waiting for awhile, and there he came! brought us some delicious kaya toasts. we got on the MRT again and meet Orchard Road. took about 70 pictures, ate Indonesian grilled chicken at the restaurant called Ojo Lali (ha!) and go home.

Day 2 —- woke up late, and went to Aunt Long’s HDB at Seng Kang. she served me, Mama and Kak Chacha a fine lunch and slurpy desserts. after did the prayer, we went away to Mustafa Centre. bought Palmolive bottles (God, it’s half the price in Indonesia!) and many toiletries stuffs. bought chocolates for my friends and cousins too, and once again, it’s half the price in Changi Airport. and don’t forget some other snacks. because of the heavy shoppings, we went home and had some rest by had some more foods. in the evening, we went to IKEA by bus. we bought some stuffs and unfortunately Kak Chacha seemed like unhealthy. she coughed and couldn’t stand for a long time so we went home immediately. took pictures of course!

Day 3 —- Kak Chacha’s officially ill now. Kaady didn’t go to work and took her to Raffles Medical. so me and Mama went to Bedok station and met Auntie Win there. she is an Indonesian, but had lived in Singapore for 40 years. she was a tour guide too, and she took us to Bugis, shopped, and had lunch at Zam Zam Restaurant around Arab Street. I ate Briyani Rice (much more better in Arab of course. this one was too ‘dry’), Indian fried noodle, and Beef Murtabak (yes, with a U.). delicioso! then we crossed the road, did the prayer at Masjid Sultan, known as the oldest mosque in Singapore. in front of the Mosque there’s Kampong Glam, I took more pictures and bought some souvenirs. we stopped by having a Tarikk Tea at one of the cafe, and continued the walk around Arab Street. getting tired and saw everything, Auntie Win stopped a Taxi and we drove to Clarke Quay right away. since it’s a very artsy place, had many cute interiors and exteriors, I took much more more pictures there! but unfortunately, embarassing scene happened. I was sitting on one of the wheelchair of Clinic Cafe, acting like a diseased girl so stupidly, and—suddenly Vanda (my all time pal who lives in Singapore) passed by and greet me. Gawrsh, her asian friends laughed, you know. and when she’s gone away, I looked around and.. my shopping bags were just lying on the ground, like garbages. still, embarassed. after the ‘photoshoots’, we went to Auntie Win’s HDB in Bedok. had nyummy dinner and played along with Adam and Neesa, her grandchildren.

Day4 —- Kak Chacha’s still ill, impossible to go around with her. so me and Mama met Auntie Win again, now with her family. kindly, they drove us around Singapore’s landmark such as Esplanade building, Merlion Park, The Art House and other museums such as Red Dot Design Museum. catchy building with the red painting, loved it.

Day5—-finally, a day with Kaady! we went to the Tampines market at the morning, I witnessed the traditional Singaporean market. we bought vegetables, fish, and all. and oh ya, I bought a giant Doraemon Lollipop! after lunch time, though Kak Chacha’s still ill, she forced herself and we all went to Sentosa Island. my sister warned me that I’d regret going there, but nah! I had lots of fun. rode Luge and Skyride (LUGE ROCKS!!), rode the Tram, ate snacks, sightseeing, took pictures, and went saw The Songs Of The Sea. it’s beautiful!

Day6 —- meet my stupid friend, Acid. he was a Singaporean for 3 years and now he’s having some kind of reunion with his friends, so we met at Tampines McD. first, we went to Takashimaya to find the shoes I wanted, but hell–it’s tooo expensive! I just took a picture with it (sighs) then we walked to the MRT station to Clarke Quay, took stupid photos (e.g. : in front of a sex toys shop) and as we arrived there, we experienced G-Max the extreme bungy! woohoo!! it is a piece of shit yo! (don’t see the minutes before I rode it. scared to death.) knowing that we did it, we felt  like the strongest kids on earth, haha. after that we went through the raining day to HMV, to get a funny photobox (which we wont find in Indonesia) but stupidly, we’re in a wrong place. so we have to go through the storm again to get to Cineleisure. walked around the bulding but couldn’t find it also. until he asked a shop assistant, and the person didn’t know. but when I looked in front of the shop, ta da! there it was. the photo box. what a hella stupid shop assistant. we took the photo (so corny corny corny, just so you know) and went home, separated ways.

one of the stupid shots

Day7—- yeaaah finally the day’s here! my old fellas Maya and Vikus arrived in Singapore, and we planned to hang out together with Vanda. me and mama went to Borders Bookstore and met them there, me and the girls, my mom and Vanda’s mom. they’re also old friends. so we went to TCC and had another nyummy lunch (fell in love with Chocolate Devotion! mmm!) and left the Moms there, shopped along Orchard (I didn’t, they did) and off to Bugis Junction to have another photo (like me and Acid did). we went to Vanda’s condominium by Taxi. yes, it’s a sleepover!

Day8—- woke up late, and remembering that me, Maya and Vikus was planning to swim at Vanda’s Condo. so I borrowed Vanda’s two-piece swimsuit and we jumped into the water! still, taking pictures with Maya’s underwater camera. after gotten all wet, we showered and got dressed, ready to go havd fun again. we went back to Takashimaya Square to meet Vanda’s friend, Mari Ochiai. this Japanese-Indonesian girl was so funny! and crazy in posing when we’re taking pictures around Chinatown. she seemed to be matched with Vikus, haha. Decided to go to Marina Square for another (their) shopping, we ate lunch at the Food Loft and I separated ways around 7 pm, went home with Kaady (his office is in Marina Square)

Day9—- well, well…… hello again, Jakarta!

and now, hello, new life! I’m moving out on Monday. Gawrsh, it feels hard, honestly.

Have You Ever Heard About The ‘Perfect Love’ Quotation?

Yes, have you heard about  it? the one with the phrase,

Love is not about loving someone perfect, but loving someone imperfect perfectly.

no way, you must have heard it! it’s very common, you know. even since the Friendster era. hahaha. yes, this quote.. I’m not gonna tell you things like ‘loving someone imperfect blabla’.. I’m gonna tell you about my current love life. yes, finally.

I’ve got a crush, hasn’t been transformed to a love yet, a very very very perfect crush. even I never think about me and him becoming couple and all. those things just never get happened into my mind. I don’t even wonder about it. I wonder to have him as husband! hahaha.

I can guarantee, any hubby-material you’ve always wanted to find for your life partner are happened to be his. he almost have everything. at least my hubby-materials. but now that’s the problem. I just realized yesterday, that he is way tooooo perfect until I always feel ashame of my own self each time I talk to him, or compare myself with his. ah, I got nothing while he could own the world. there are two fighting possibilities in me since then.

first, it pushes me more to be more than the right-now me, to be more productive, to be better, to be as eligible as he is and perfect enough to ‘beat him down’.

second, it also can carry me away, lose the confidence to name him as ‘my crush’, stay away so I don’t get embarassed every time and, I will lose any hope, opportunity, dream about him as my crush and my future life.

and I’m trying to keep my mind with the first possibility. and setting a new classic paradigm, that nobody is perfect. I still have lots of chances to catch up and beat him down.

just he waits! ;)

Love Love Cough Cough

guess what I'm doing. Am I Laughing? Coughing? or talking to someone I love?

Oh, come on. maybe this is the zillionth time I said it each time I’m ‘okay’ and look around my own blog, my old posts..

“What the heck with this blog, ha? I’m enough with the puking already!”

Yes, my blog is way too lovey-dovey and hearty-brokey, ah, whatever. although that’s why the title of the blog is (look at the title yourself, would you mind?) I’m starting to metaphore, and as time goes by I will change the title of the blog to something more…… educational? hahahaha. I don’t know, but seriously, as a girl, I found it very very fun to write about what I feel, especially love issues. I love to construct a statement or theory or quotation about love, based on what I’ve been through. I feel this satisfaction each time I finished my love posts and read it all over again, thinking ‘how complicated a simple love would be’, and it makes me evaluating my former life stories.. and I found it very fun. I got the ups and downs, the gifts, the pains perfectly.

ah, I love my life.

and one more thing—-maybe someday I don’t have to change the title of this blog. love will still sneak in and dominate into my mind and soul. every person writes or creates the things that they love. although it’s about hard times or pains, they love to write it down. because maybe by writing it, they try to keep the pain away, enlighten it little by little.

love is a big word. it contains every little thing exists. because there are only two choices for everyone:

do what you love, or love what you do.

anyway, me and my mom are having a bad cough. wish us to get well soon, anyone of you.